Balanced Approach: Barnes Arico Finds Fulfillment as Mom and Coach
2/25/2019 1:51:00 PM | Women's Basketball, Features
Above Photo: Kim Barnes Arico celebrates the 2017 WNIT championship with (from left) daughter Emma, father George, son Trevor, husband Larry and daughter Cecelia.
By Steve Kornacki
ANN ARBOR, Mich. -- Kim Barnes Arico said spring break week is one of two weeks in the year when she can drop the multitasking and be completely devoted to her family.
The winningest coach in University of Michigan women's basketball history constantly juggles her schedule to assure seeing son Trevor's Saline High football and basketball games while also joining husband Larry Arico for the gymnastics meets and choir performances in the lives of daughters Emma and Cecelia.
She stays connected even during the most hectic times. But for spring break, she's just Mom and Kim. Not Coach.
A funny thing happened on April 1, 2017, however. The success of her Wolverines in the WNIT meant she and her family were going to be cutting it close on making the last flight to Atlanta before connecting to Pensacola, Florida, that evening. Michigan was hosting Georgia Tech in the championship game at Calihan Hall in Detroit that afternoon, and the vacation was going to be delayed a bit.
Then the game went into overtime, then a second overtime, and then a third overtime.
"That's a perfect example of what we're talking about," said Barnes Arico, "and it's kind of the story of my life."
It's about trying to be in two places at the same time.
A Great Mix
The 2017 Big Ten Coach of the Year, Barnes Arico is closing in on her seventh 20-win campaign in seven seasons at Michigan. Her 2017 WNIT champion squad set a school record with 28 victories, and she took the Wolverines to the NCAA second round last March. She is also the winningest coach (176) in St. John's program history and owns more than 420 career wins over 23 seasons roaming the sidelines.
Coach has plenty to be proud of, but Mom does, too.
From left: Cecelia, Trevor and Emma Arico
The Aricos at one of Trevor's football games
Trevor, 17, a junior at Saline High School, is a wide receiver on the football team that made it to the state semifinals with Dad as an assistant coach working with linebackers. Trevor also plays point guard in basketball "and is a great student," according to Mom, who adds that he might want to be a writer.
"He told me when he was 10 that he was going to college wherever I was so he could see me every day," she said, pausing to smile and purse her lips before adding: "But now he doesn't feel the same way. But my 10-year-old now feels that way, so I have a little bit of hope left."
That would be Cecelia.
"She's got a lot of personality and is a handful," said Kim. "The third child, and so she kind of runs the show in the house. Her brother and sister don't like it because they think if they did what she does they'd be in trouble. She is a little gymnast and was climbing on the bars at birth. She spends 20-plus hours a week in gymnastics, and that's her love. But she's a basketball player, too."
Emma is 13.
"She is my basketball player," said Kim. "She is the quiet one out of the three, the more observant, the more reserved. She's going to be a great basketball player. She's a lefty point guard who was born righty. We used to tell her that her shot was broke and needed some significant work. She was confused about which hand to shoot with, and so I made her a lefty shooter because lefties are good shooters. But she can use both hands and is hard to defend."
Dad coaches Emma's AAU travel team, which won a state championship in the sixth-grade division.
"They are a great mix that provide a great balance," said Barnes Arico. "You have this job and the stress in your life and then go home to a houseful of crazy kids."
Larry became "Mr. Mom" shortly after they started a family. But now, with the kids getting older and involved in their own activities and more able to fend for themselves, he's coaching two of the children and has more time for himself.
"You have to be a special kind of guy to handle it all," said Kim. "He's a nurturer and doesn't get too high-strung. Things don't bother him much if they're running late or if something's not figured out or the homework."
The Right Approach
Trying to be the best mother as well as the best coach has been a learning process for Barnes Arico. She said it bothered her that Trevor, who was still in elementary school, "took a long time to adjust" to leaving New Jersey. But it helped him grow up, she noted, and he came to like it here.
She said she studied coaches such as Oklahoma's Sherri Coale, who has two grown children and 19 consecutive NCAA Tournament teams, and Notre Dame's Muffet McGraw, who has been married for 41 years and has one grown son and two national championships. McGraw befriended Barnes Arico when both coached in the Big East Conference and discussed how someone could have it all.
"Now," said Barnes Arico, "I talk to the young moms in the coaching field. And it helps my players to talk about these things. They can be in the Powerful Women's Club."
That's an informal club Barnes Arico began with her Wolverine coaching staff to stress to others that having a balanced and successful family life and career is possible with the right approach.
"You have to have a voice," said Barnes Arico, "and you have to have a presence, and you have to kick your shoulders back and take on the world.
"We try to put our players in as many situations as possible to be able to do those things. This is their prep for when they get out there. And for my staff as well. I try to give them responsibilities that help them grow."
She often talks with assistant coach Melanie Moore, who along with her husband, Joe, has two children, Tristin and Ayla.
Barnes Arico said, "There are times I tell her, 'No, you don't have to go to training table tonight. Get out of here and go home.' Or I encourage her to stay at home for a morning when her kids don't have school. I'll tell players that they have to spend more time with their families. That's the balance you need."
Trust develops from that give-and-take approach.
KBA gets advice from coach Carol Hutchins before throwing out the first pitch at a Michigan softball game.
Barnes Arico also has studied Michigan softball legend Carol Hutchins, the winningest coach of all-time in that sport and a master at team building.
"She welcomed me from my first day here," said Barnes Arico. "When you try to be great, you need to listen to people who are great. And to have the consistency Hutch has had, year in and year out, is incredible. I listen to her speak about her culture and what's important to her. We have a friendship now, but I take bits and pieces from every conversation.
"She says, 'It's not about us. It's about Michigan. What can our teams do for Michigan?' We always talk about 'The team. The team. The team.' Any time I have a question to bounce off her, she's there. She's so uplifting."
Kim Barnes Arico's daughters, Emma (left) and Cecelia, traveled with the Wolverines to Italy and Greece in 2017.
Be Present Where You Are
Kim had a 90-minute commute each way while coaching St. John's, in Queens, New York, and needed to cross two log-jammed bridges daily and stop at numerous toll booths, so she couldn't do then what she does now with Saline and her family just a 10-minute drive away from her office in Crisler Center.
"I can go to lunch with them or to a choir concert or a school party in the middle of the day," said Barnes Arico. "Emma comes here (to Crisler) every Wednesday to get a workout in."
She strives to have a balanced life of family and team, and the kids go on some road trips and frequently become part of things at Crisler.
"One of the most important things someone told me was to be present where you are," said Barnes Arico, 48. "If you're at home, be at home. If you're at work, be at work. So, I try to limit my work stuff when I'm with them, putting my phone away. Put your phone or computer away for the two-hour window we have, and you can do all the stuff you need to do when they go to bed.
"It's quality time vs. quantity time. It's about being in the moment. On Sundays, we go to church together, eat dinner together, have a Sunday night movie. We just watched 'A League of Their Own.' Some nights we play Clue or Scrabble or Apples to Apples.
"The same is true when I'm here. When I coach, I try to give the players in the program the most attention possible and not being worried about my children. Knowing Larry is with them all the time means I don't have to worry."
At her introductory press conference or in California for the NCAA Tournament, whether helping fill out brackets or assisting with postgame TV interviews, KBA's children are part of the team.
Yet, nothing goes perfectly when trying to juggle so much. What are the biggest challenges?
"You always feel like you're gypping somebody," said Barnes Arico. "As much as you try your best, you always feel somebody's getting shortchanged. You want to be your best for your team and your family. So, I have to remind myself -- and I tell my kids and my team this -- you don't have to be perfect. It's OK.
"Sometimes you have to say, 'I'm sorry; I made a mistake. I know you think I'm your mom and I have all the answers, but sometimes I don't.' And I have that honesty with our team as well."
She recalled crying the first time Trevor got sick as an infant because she was unable to be with him all the time. That's when Larry stepped in and said he would sacrifice his career for his kids and her.
"It's surrounding yourself with a great team of people," said Barnes Arico, "and that starts with Larry. But it's also my staff, friends and support group. I left my parents (Maureen and George) back home out East (on Long Island in New York), and they had been the support group. Larry's family is also back East.
"But we've built up that support here, and the team of Michigan people is incredible," she said, noting that her kids' school emergency contacts are basketball office staffers. "The people in our program are a second family to my children. That's what's given me the ability to do everything."
Barnes Arico gets so much done that you'd swear she's discovered the 28-hour day.
"But you have to remember to enjoy and embrace it," she said. "In a couple years, it's going to be me coaching my team and my kids are going to be off."
KBA with U-M career record holders Katelynn Flaherty (left, points) and Siera Thompson (assists).
A Banner Year
Barnes Arico chuckled and leaned back in her office chair, recalling that 2017 day when her team, husband and children were all a huge part of the Wolverine women getting their first championship banner for Crisler Center.
"We just kept winning and winning and winning," said Barnes Arico, "and when that (WNIT championship game) week finally came, it was like, 'Holy cow. This is really happening.'"
The Aricos were supposed to drive to Florida with another family, the Stemmers, and depart Friday. Kim told Larry and the kids they could still do that and she would join them Saturday. But they wanted to watch the big game, so they scheduled the Saturday flights. The game was at 1 p.m., with the flight six hours later.
"It should be plenty of time," Kim recalled thinking.
But she began getting concerned about the flight during the second overtime. She looked up at Larry in the stands and signaled for them to go.
They all shouted back, "No! We're not leaving."
"The third overtime comes and we thought the game was lost earlier," said Barnes Arico. "The girl (Georgia Tech's Elo Edeferioka) goes to the line for two free throws with the game tied (and six-tenths of a second remaining in regulation). My children are crying tears."
However, Edeferioka missed both shots.
"We end up winning the game," said Barnes Arico, "and they came down and I said, 'You guys can still make it. Get out of here.' But they said, 'We want to see you cut down the nets.'"
Kim climbed the ladder and hung from the rim for a few seconds, snipped the last strand of nylon holding the net, and turned around waving the net in one hand before raising both arms atop the ladder and screaming for joy.
KBA, assistant coach Melanie Moore and Jillian Dunston were all smiles as the final seconds ticked away.
KBA's family got to see her snip the final loop on the net before they all headed off to Florida for spring break.
After team captains Danielle Williams and Siera Thompson got the wooden trophy with the bronze basketball atop it, the coach's family posed with it, youngest daughter Cecelia holding it while they all beamed.
They left for the airport while Kim met with the media and her team and made sure everything was taken care of before getting a ride to the airport from Jay Mann, the team's assistant director of operations.
"I got to the gate just in time," said Barnes Arico, "and they kind of held the flight for me a bit."
They arrived at the Panhandle beach condo in Destin at 2 a.m., and the Stemmer family turned the lights on when they arrived. They had decorated the place for a celebration.
"It was a bummer not to get the bus ride back with our team because they went crazy," said Barnes Arico. "But I got that with my family, and it was unbelievable.
"But that's the story of my life."
Watch: How Michigan won the WNIT title
Part I: Read about Kim Barnes Arico's life growing up in Mastic Beach, New York, and how her work ethic and ambition were fueled by a loving family. » Story
